The Woman Before Me
by Cloud Albatou
Summary: What if, after 30 years, Hitomi never returned? What if Van finnaly married? What would his wife's thoghts be when she knew her husband love another? Song-fic, please review.


A.n.-What if Hitomi never returned? What if, 30 years later, Van has long since married to have children for the throne. What would his wife of been thinking? Song fic.  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Escaflowne, nor this song 'The womon Before me' by Trisha Yearwood.  
  
Claimer-I do own this idea.  
  
  
I can see you turn away  
When I ask what for  
You say it isn't anything  
But i'm sure   
Somethin' underneith the skin  
Won't let you be  
And you try to keep it in,  
But can see  
  
Its been ten years. Ten long years. I knew then that you merely wedded me both bring children for the throne and to please your advisors which had long since pressured you to marry since you claimed the throne.   
  
Even after I was offcialy made Queen of Fannalia, your people didn't except me. In their minds the Seer from the mystic Moon was their Queen. She was their eternal protcecter and ruler, not I. And as much as it hurts me even now, I know you have never loved me as you loved her. You've never forgotten her.   
  
The womon before me  
Must of been hard on you  
Becouse that hurt in your eyes  
I never put you through.  
  
Sometimes I think you must be talkin' to her  
The womon before me.  
  
There are times I think maybe your talking to her. In your sleep i've often heard you call out for her. It hurt, but I accepted it. I soppose when I walked down the aisle to marry you I thought I could perhapes take her place in your heart. That maybe you would love me as deeply as you love her.   
  
What I fool I was. For now, 10 years later, I know nothing and noone cane ver take that place. I wonder if she is happy on the Mystic Moon, if she knows just how much pain she has caused you. For sometimes, when you don't know i'm looking, I can see your shoulders slump your face sadden more so then ussuale and your eyes become alive with white hot pain, torment, and mayheps even a little fury.  
  
I thought when I had our 3 children, two boys one girl, perhapes maybe you would love me. Even if only a tad. Maybe you do love me in your own way; but not in the true loveing way a man should love his wife. More like a pitys love. Pity. By the gods I hate it, but I know its all the love i'll ever recieve from you.   
  
To make things work you named our daughter after her. Your lost love, the Seer of Gaea, Fannlia's 'Goddess of Wings'. Hitomi. Such a strange name, but I know if I breathed that to you it'd lead to a firey argument. And we've had enough of those over the years.  
  
Sometimes in an argument  
It will show  
When you go a little farther then,  
You ment to go  
I know you don't meen a thing  
That you say  
I just wanna ease the pain  
Thats in your way.  
  
Once when you asked me why I seemed depressed I finnaly screamed at you, just as I had been longing to for ever so long. I screamed that it was becouse you didn't love me, that you didn't care about me so you should stop pretending. And finnaly I asked the question I had known the answer for a very long time, But wanting to hear it from your lips. Why couldn't you bring yourself to love me?  
  
You finaly yelled back becouse your not her and I swallowed back my tears and left. Later that night you apologised and I accepted, though it wasn't heart-felt acceptince. I want to ease your pain, my love, but how can I when you just can't let go? When every time I look in your eyes all I see is her ghost refelecting back?  
  
But the womon before me  
Must of been hard on you  
Becouse that hurt in your eyes  
I never put you through  
Sometimes I think you must be talkin' to   
The womon before me.  
  
Sometimes I think you talk to her, telepathicly though. Not verbly. I've no proof of it, but sometimes I see you stareing up at the sky a tearful yet peaceful look on your face as you whisper things to someone whos not their. Her leaveing must have been hard on you, for your wounds have long since not healed. Perhapes they never will.   
  
But I'll keep trying. Maybe somehow I can ease your pain. Maybe I can take the pain away, if only for a limited time. Though I know I will never replace her in either your heart or Fannalia's. In their eyes and your own the Seer will always be their beloved Queen. Never me. It hurts most that you will never really see me. That all you ever see is the 'Goddess of Wings, Seer Of The Mystic Moon, Hitomi Kanzaki.'  
  
If their are sorrows that bring back a tear  
Don't let them keep us apart.  
You oughta know you got nothin to fear  
Here in my heart.  
  
Why can't you see that I won't ever leave you? That I will always be by your side, that I won't leave you like she did? Not even your little Cat-girl, Merel, could make you forget why should I hope to? Becouse no matter how many times I try to prove my love to you, you will never See me the way I want you to. I was merely a vessel to bring forth children. I think thats what hurts most. That I was like some kind of tool to be used quickly then cast away to be forgotten.  
  
'Cause you and I will never be   
Like the past  
And every kind of memory  
That you have  
Nothins' going to hurt you now  
Can't you see?  
That I already made a vow  
That I can keep.  
  
Still I made a Vow 10 years ago. To honor you as your wife and love you beyound what I am capble of. I ment those words, I ment out vows though I know you can't really live up to the 'loveing' part of it. I will try anyway. I will try and whipe your tears away and mend your broken heart, though I know I can never even reach secoud place in your heart compared to Her.  
  
But the womon before me  
Must of been hard on you  
Becouse that hurt in your eyes  
I never put you through  
Sometimes I think you must be talkin'  
To the Womon before me  
  
Sometimes I think you must be talkin   
To the womon before me...  
  
I soppose it dosn't matter if i'll never measure up to what the Seer left in your mind. But I will still try, and I will still try to make you happy 'till the end of your days, my King Van Slanzer De Fannel. Becouse wether it is returned or not I, Serin Ice Ap Ispano De Fannel, will always love you. I will hold you 'till we both turn to dust for that is the extent of my love.  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-I hope you liked it^_~it was just a random idea that came to mind. I hope you liked it, please review. 


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